Handbook for Internet marks on female wrestling
I thought it would be interesting and funny to write down all the beliefs pretty much every hardcore Internet mark has when it comes to female wrestling.
You have to bash a non smark darling if they use a move of someone who has been retired for years. But can't criticize AJ for completely stealing Mickie James character.
You can only put over an attractive girl if they are heel or unover.
You have to overrate and hype up every developmental girl they hire even though most have never paid a single due and most will end up never having a match in WWE.
When these overrated developmental girls never amount to anything in WWE you must still hype them up and treat them as a star. Even if they give up on the wrestling business to focus on modeling.
You have to believe that Michelle McCool was a big success despite being a total flop as a face and a heat killer as a heel. And that she would still be given a 4 year non stop push and every imaginable perk and accolade if she were not in a relationship with the Undertaker.
You have to believe that Kelly Kelly is the biggest problem in the division despite being the most popular, most marketable, heavily relied on as a wrestler, and never missed time with injury And then hype most of the other girls who are mainly unover faces or uncredible heels.
When looking to talk negatively about a female you have to bring up Kelly, an actual star relied on for years, to try to get over with Internet marks. Instead of the dozens of developmental girls who couldn't last a match, or busts such as Ashley Massaro, Christy Hemme, Jackie, etc. Or girls on the roster who are mostly huge duds such as Rosa, Alicia, Kaitlyn, Aksana, etc.
You have to ignore how bad Beth Phoenix heel run has been and how it has put the division in one of its lowest points ever. Despite the innefectiveness of this heel run and despite being irrelevant and overshadowed when she was a face, you have to believe she is the key to turning around the division.
You have to believe that Layla who has never been very popular, up in age, mostly been a glorified jobber in her career is a high level Diva worthy of big pushing.
You have to believe that Natalya is relevant and include her in any feud talks even though she has been a total jobber for going on a year.
Because Alicia Fox is one of the least over Divas in company history you have to make a blanket statement that fans don't care about the Divas.
You have to believe the Knockouts are big stars even though its a collection of nobodys and WWE busts. None of which could get a reaction in WWE excpet Mickie.
You have to ignore that Gail Kim, who was the biggest star Knockout, was a dud in WWE who couldn't get over.
You have to say the Knockouts are the highest rated thing in TNA even though anything in a top of the hour spot draws. You then have to ignore the majority of weeks that they don't have a good rated quarter hour.
You must then say that the Divas, who have a couple much bigger stars can't draw when almost every week they are put in a complete piss break slot that nothing would draw in.
You have to act like Shimmer is the big time for female wrestling even though its a niche product with a small sub culture of fans. And despite them acting like they are too good for WWE, they would take a WWE contract in a second. (only WWE would never want any of them)
You have to believe that pushing Indy darlings with bad packaging that nobody knows except a small group of Internet marks is the key to making the Diva division better.
You have to believe that Victoria who was old years back when she was in WWE and used as a complete jobber is a viable big star worthy of title pushes in TNA.
You can't criticize Kharma for getting knocked up right in the middle of a big push. But if any other girl did this, especially a non smark darling, you must call them a complete irresponsible whore.
You must think any non smark darling has fake tits, even when they don't. And ignore that virutally every smark darling does have them.
You can't criticize smark darlings like Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim for their unprofessional behavior on their exits from WWE.
You can't criticize the Bella Twins for leaving the company and getting a super shady parting gift because they are heels. You also cannot criticize Maryse for walking away from the company after all they have given her because she is a heel.
You have to watch any Kelly Kelly match as if it was the Zapruder film looking for the most minute thing to bash her on. Then when you can't find anything bash how she runs the ropes, how long her hair is, and how much she screams.
You have to say that Kelly Kelly botches every move even though she hasn't had a clear botch in a year and even that one probably wasn't her fault. This despite having a TV match pretty much every week and nearly setting the record last year for most PPV singles matches for a Diva.
You have to say that Kelly Kelly only has "3 moves" even though she has far more signature moves than the other Divas. You must also ignore that Trish Stratus and Mickie James did a few move routines pretty much every match they had.
You have to give Trish Stratus the upmost respect and smark darling treatment even though she was hired with no expierience, did a ton of bra and panties matches, and pushed because she was hot. And mostly had a non technical style focused on flashy moves. You then must endlessly bash anyone else that fits that mold and has some success.
You have to rewrite history that Lita was a good technical wrestler even though mostly a spot monkey. You also must forget that she missed around two years with injury.
You cannot criticize Trish Stratus for doing nothing to give back. And you must delude yourself that her coming back to bury talent and sell Yoga gloves somehow benefits the division.
You must bury Kelly as a "model" even though hired when 19. And in her career has done 2 magazine covers. You must ignore Trish Stratus extensive modeling career and put her over for doing 90 magazine covers (none of which are anywhere near as big as Maxim). Most of which are very small magazines shes just doing to stroke her ego.
You have to act like Serena Deeb is a huge success story even though she lasted one match in WWE.
You must act as if Mickie James porn pictures do not exist. Or any other nudity by smark darlings such as Gail Kim's topless photos.
You must endlessly talk about the dating life of girls who are not smark darlings. But flat out ignore the relationships smark darlings are currently in and have had.
You must think that the Trish vs Mickie feud, built largely on titalating sexual acts and produced one rememberable match (that had a major botched finish) is the epitome of womens wrestling and no angle or feud has hopes of comparing.
You must endlessly talk about how the WWE should bring back such and such Diva from the past even though it has no chance of happening because they are long over the hill and have no desire to commit full time to wrestling.
You must act like non wrestlers Kat, Debra, Bertha, Stephanie, Harvina etc winning the Womens title never happened. But you must then act like the face of the division who is used to wrestle like a workhorse winning a title is the end of the world.
You must endlessly obsess and overrate AJ becauses shes pretty much Internet marks last hope for a higher level Diva they consider a smark darling.
This is what I can think of for now but will add new things in the future.
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And you must become a fan of a diva and act like you always liked them when they leave WWE, despite constantly trashing them and disapproving of them when they were in the company and getting pushed. Imagine all of the people who will claimed to have liked Kelly when she finally decides she's had enough and leaves.
I can't tell you how many smarks do that shit. Like Candice for instance, people trashed the shit out of her when she took Mickie's spot and CONSTANTLY put down everything she did down and now they all act like they were huge fans of hers. Same for Maria. DivaDirt is good for this.
And speaking of Mickie's porn pics, it also reminds me of when diva smarks would bash Candice for doing softcore porn but made excuses for Mickie or act like it was nothing when it was more hardcore than anything Candice ever did, etc. Just like how smarks bash Kelly for being a model but don't recognize people like Natalya modeled too.
"You have to bash a non smark darling if they use a move of omeone who has been retired for years. But can't criticize AJ for completely stealing Mickie James character" Mickie was a psycho wannabe stalker of Trish Stratus while AJ is just a crazy chick who is playing with the minds of three different mens. To say that AJ is COMPLETELY copying MIckie's intial character is irrelevant.
"You have to overrate and hype up every developmental girl they hire even though most have never paid a single due and most will end up never having a match in WWE." Being that FCW is WWE's development territory their matches are akready considered to be under WWE terms.
"You have to believe that Michelle McCool was a big success despite being a total flop as a face and a heat killer as a heel. And that she would still be given a 4 year non stop push and every imaginable perk and accolade if she were not in a relationship with the Undertaker." So Michelle becoming the first Diva's Champion in 2008, two years before actually marrying Undertaker, had nothing to do with her being a fan favorite at the time?
"You have to act like Shimmer is the big time for female wrestling even though its a niche product with a small sub culture of fans. And despite them acting like they are too good for WWE, they would take a WWE contract in a second. (only WWE would never want any of them)" Last time I checked Beth Phoenix and Kharma are Shimmer alimunis and are currently signed with WWE because they were interested in these women.
"You have to believe that pushing Indy darlings with bad packaging that nobody knows except a small group of Internet marks is the key to making the Diva division better" Any new talent and new face will help the division as it will spark interest with fand.
"You can't criticize smark darlings like Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim for their unprofessional behavior on their exits from WWE." Who says they weren't critized?
"You have to say that Kelly Kelly only has "3 moves" even though she has far more signature moves than the other Divas." The only signature I know of Kelly's is her head scissors; K2 and Go-Round-Pin are more finishers but I love to hear all of her other signatures.
"You have to act like Serena Deeb is a huge success story even though she lasted one match in WWE." I don't know a lot of women who would be willing to shave their head for the company
"You must endlessly talk about how the WWE should bring back such and such Diva from the past even though it has no chance of happening because they are long over the hill and have no desire to commit full time to wrestling." Which is why character develpoments, such as AJ's, the new crop of girls from FCW or those from other promotions are always a good idea and shouldn't be looked down upon.